Janice Explains The Way To Move On
What are the reasons that breaking up from a romantic relationship can feel like extracting oneself from a particularly sticky web? As you begin to finally feel free, one sticky string sneaks it's way back to you, and the next thing you know you are back in the arms of the person you know isn't right for you. Why is that?
As Janice has said often, we are all made up of energy. Our energy creates bonds to the things and people around us. That is why especially strong bonds, say one of a parent to a child, can sometimes result in the mother or father feeling their child's emotions or vice versa. Has your mother ever called you out of the blue because she knew something was wrong? It's more common than you think!
Romantic relationships create strong bonds between partners. When we go to leave, sometimes those bonds do not break, especially if one or the other of the partners is not in agreement about the break up or if there is a co-dependency. If you find yourself struggling with letting go of a relationship, part of it may have to do with a lingering energetic connection. Below, we go over the ways to release that connection in a healthy way, along with other tips to move forward. You can also listen to the break up podcast episode here.
How To Move On From a Break Up
Hey, if you've just broken up, maybe it's a good idea to stay away from your ex for a little bit? This can be challenging - we tend to form habits with the people who play big parts in our lives. When we have to change the routine, it takes effort and may even be painful. This is where disconnecting energetically can help. When we think about a person, especially if we think about them alot, we tend to create an energetic connection with them. Eventually, that energetic connection can lead you to want to see them again, or lead them to want to see you again. Sometimes, however, it can backlash. If we're pouring alot of energy at someone, it can actually work to repel them away, almost like an ocean wave that pushes them out to sea. It all depends on the quality of your energy (fear & worry or acceptance?) and how they are feeling about you (do they want to see you too?). It's natural for this to be a little confusing at first. You may not even realize that by being in their energy field, you may be feeling more what they are feeling. You may actually be more ok with the relationship than you think just because you are actually feeling their energy. But, if you want to take steps to move forward, disconnecting is a good first step. You can learn more about how to do this by taking Janice's class on Learn It Live, Energy Master: Level 2. By disconnecting, you can more easily see how you yourself feel, and won't be so wrapped up in their energy.
Step 2: Take Your Power Back
When we are in a passionate loving relationship; it's not surprising that our excitement could lead us to make grandiose statements, but sometimes that has an unintended affect. Saying things like, "I can't live with you", "I'm giving you a piece of my heart", or "You make me feel whole," are wonderful expressions of the way a loving partner can make us feel, but if the relationship ends, those statements can cause us to feel like there's something missing. Essentially, we've given a piece of ourselves away to that person. When it's time to move on, not having that piece can make it surprisingly difficult to do so. If you are a sensitive person, or if the person in the relationship required a lot of healing, or if you feel like you gave a lot of yourself to try to make the relationship last and work; then you especially may need to work on taking your power back. Did you go against your feelings or what you knew to be true in order to try to make it work? That's you giving power over to the person. Janice does one on one sessions to retrieve power, you can contact her directly if you're interested, firstname.lastname@example.org.
Step 3: Write Out the Relationship
Write out the relationship from beginning to end. Write down what happened, what it made you feel, what the person was like and what your reactions were. Get it all down and then.... Do it again for all of your other relationships - even ones that were short or seemed insignificant. What happened in each relationship, what did the person do, how did it make you feel and what were your reactions?
Step 4: Look at your beliefs
What you may see from writing down your relationships is that a pattern will emerge. There may be a specific trigger that causes you to act a certain way. You may be attracted to the same type of person over and again, even if you know they aren'r right for you. Are you the type of person who always ends up with someone who needs your help? You may be a healer looking for an outlet. Do the people you're with tend to take you for granted? Why is that? Does it have to do with your expectations, how you learned to experience love, or low self worth even? Maybe it is how you are seeing it, you perspective. Whatever it is, try to get to the bottom of it, and then see if you can reason out why you continue to make the same choices. The next time a possible lover comes around, revisit the list and see if you can't avoid falling into the same traps. Remember, if you continue to do what you have always done, you will most likely get what you've always gotten.
Step 5: Stop blaming them. Take responsibility for your choices.
Most importantly, stop blaming others for your bad relationships. People often say, they tricked me, they led me astray, they told me things and I believed them. I was the victim, is the message here. But, we need to look again. Were there obvious warning signs that this person was not reliable? Often times, men and women actively tell us if they are scared, not looking for something serious, or other such warnings, which many people ignore in the hopes of changing their prospective partner's mind. This is something we have to come to terms with. Respect another's boundaries and respect your wants. If you're looking for something serious, and the person you are dating isn't, then you need to take them at their word and respect that it's just not where they are at. Have respect for yourself and stop blaming them. If you try to lure them because you think they fit some mold of the person you are meant to be with, then you are doing yourself a disservice. Trust your intuition, and treat yourself well. Don't take it all so personally. Yes, you are looking for a partner, but if that person isn't aligned with your own needs its not a personal reflection on you. We say "If they loved me they would..." instead of "They love me but..." There is no "right way" to have a relationship, though we are often told that there is. "They should.." is something I hear often. Let go, and respect your wants and their boundaries. That makes room for the person who you are actually aligned with to take a step forward. But we can't be a victim. Being a victim means we have no control over what happens to us, and that's simply not true (with rare extreme exceptions, to be sure). Once you have your patterns, take responsibility for what happened and vow to make a different choice next time. Maybe take it slower. See who the person really is and what they actually want.
If you want more information on how to get over a break up, listen to this podcast episode!
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